Violence against women never begins with a blow. It begins quietly, almost unnoticed — with a look that lasts longer than it should, with a sentence that sounds like a joke but actually hurts, with control justified as care. At first, everything seems like a small thing. Then those small things accumulate and turn into tension hanging in the air. A woman feels that she has to watch every word, to walk a thin line in order to avoid an explosion.
When the tension reaches its peak, an incident follows. Violence then becomes visible — through insults, humiliation, blows, intimidation. This is the moment when boundaries shift, when fear becomes part of everyday life. Yet, paradoxically, what often comes after that is the period many women find hardest to recognise — the reconciliation phase. The abuser apologises, promises change, shows tenderness. He brings gifts, says he “lost control”, that it “will never happen again”. This false “honeymoon” creates the illusion that the circle has closed.
But the circle never closes. Tension returns, small remarks grow into control, nervousness rises, and everything starts again.
Each time, the phases become shorter and the violence becomes more severe. It is a repeating pattern, predictable and dangerous.
It is important to say: violence is never the victim's fault. The blame is always on the abuser. Recognising the phases can be the first step toward liberation — toward seeking help, toward leaving the circle. Safe houses, Centres for Social Work, friends, family, professionals — all of them can be support.
Violence is not a private matter, nor a “relationship problem”. It is a social problem that concerns all of us. By breaking the silence, writing, speaking and sharing experiences, we open space for change. And every change begins when someone says: “This is not right. And it does not have to repeat.”
The “OSNAŽI” project works to help women understand their own situation and receive support in the process of leaving a violent environment. Breaking the cycle of violence is possible — but not without support.
The “OSNAŽI” project is implemented with the support of the Secretariat for Social Protection of the City of Belgrade.
Programme patron: Secretariat for Social Protection of the City of Belgrade